Written by Rodd Justice
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Sunday, 8 February 2004

image for US Election Latest: Putin Storms Ahead in Polls

Russian President Vladimir Putin has shot into the lead in the race for the American White House after a stunning electoral result in the Republican Primaries.

Putin's record in Russia, where he has the impressive tally of seven destroyed militant republics, has been a hit with traditional Republican voters. "I think he'll stand up for true American values, such as war in oil-rich nations, a wealthy super-privileged elite and capital punishment," said one Texan.

But it's not just the traditional people-hating wing of the Republican Party that has been won over. Vladimir's total control over 90% of the media in the US has been critical in winning widespread support.

He is a regular feature on MTV. "Cribs" has shown his blinging Siberian Bunker, he has blown up shopping trolleys using a rocket launcher on "Jackass" and married Britney Spears in the sugary-sweet "Newlyweds" show.

This has made Putin a hit with the kids. The sound of Rad Vlad sensibly and quietly shuffling papers in his office has even been remixed into a hip hop MP3 by a student website.

Although certain of victory, Putin was ineligible to be President because he was a foreigner. However, the Republican-majority Supreme Court over-ruled this "technicality" because "he seems so likeable and harmless".

Rumours are that, following his Russian counterpart's success, Italian PM Silvio Berlusconi is set to go for the Democratic nomination.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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