President George Bush has released a statement accusing the Democratic Party in general and Massachusetts Senator John Kerry in particular of forcing him to go to war against Iraq. "As the American People know, I was against the war from the start," said Bush, "I would have never even thought about attacking Saddam Hussein if the Democrats in the House and Senate hadn't had voted for it. It's really all their fault and I am opening an investigation to prove that the Democrats and Kofi Annon of the United Nations are behind this huge failure in my intelligence."
Vice President Dick Cheney, while echoing the Presidents words, took matters one step farther. " The Democrats manufactured evidence that was designed to whip up fear in the country that Saddam posed a imminent threat., said Mr. Cheney, speaking on the condition that no one would understand him, " Then they pulled the wool over the Administration's eyes by telling us that those fears were unfounded, making us believe that they were trying to make us disbelieve the facts that they made up but said were untrue. Don't you see? It's all very clear...none of this is my fault."
"We're in the middle of assessing blame," said unnamed White House source Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse, " The only thing we're sure of at this time is that we're (The Administration) gonna come out smelling like a rose. The truth must be obfuscated, responsibility deflected and facts spun if the American People are going to be confused enough to re elect George Bush. That's what this Inquiry is meant to do and to make matters even more confusing, we won't even release the findings until after the election, so there."
"The President is doing his best to clean up this mess that the Democrats caused," said Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of anonymity, " As the American People know, President Bush is probably the most peace loving Commander in Chief this country has ever had. I mean, look at his record. Even the idea of serving in the Texas Air National Guard was so repulsive that he went AWOL for a year, while that evil warmonger John Kerry actually went to Vietnam and fought for his country. It's disgusting."