Citing their excellent record for arranging the attendance of uniformed applaud-on-demand flag-wavers, the Bush-Cheney 2004 Re-Election Committee proudly announced the awarding of the Campaign Rally Location Contract to the Pentagon.
President Bush appeared very pleased to hear they had won the closed-bid tender, but declined to give details of the pricing involved due to "national security".
"Their biggest test is when we said we wanted to run a rally on an aircraft carrier. They actually stopped a carrier in the Pacific and held up it's docking for a day (the sailor's Mom's didn't mind coz they all love me - I'm their Commander in Chief!) so I could pretent to fly myself out to it and land! Boy, did I look like the Top Gun that day! They even fell on their swords by taking the blame for the "Mission Accomplished" banner knowing that if I let on it was my idea, people might get a little upset that since that day hundreds of American service personnel have been killed and wounded in Iraq! That just shows you how much these guys want 4 more years of CRAB's "CHENEY RUMSFIELD ASCROFT BUSH!!!"
"These guys have been really great at getting us the best value in national news air-time. We just call the show a national security announcement, or such-like, and the media run the whole thing live. The funny thing is, we don't even end up paying for it from campaign contributions! It comes out of the defense budget. Brilliant!"
"They even shift aircraft carriers around so that their behind me in the TV shots so I get to show what a big man I am by being Commander in Chief of giant warships and cool stuff like that."
"I'd like to see those Democrat pussies try and hold a campaign rally at a military location. My boys would round them all up and send them to Guantanamo Bay! We've got a few spare cells there now that some bleeding heart liberals made us send those Afghani teenagers home to their mom's..."
Editors note: At this point the Commander in Chief started to froth at the mouth, so on the advice of his security staff, we left quietly.