Washington, D.C. - Facing 30 months in Federal prison with no chance for early parole, by statute, the fate of 'Scooter' Libby now rest at the end of a ballpoint pen and piece of parchment on the desk of President Bush to grant him a Presidential pardon.
Standing on his tied up yacht, the U$$ Have Mores, still in the marina, Winston Thurston-Howl IV, addresses the crowd of his privileged peers. They are gathered aboard to urge Bush to pardon 'Scooter' Libby. Their host has just regaled them of stories of a time in America when the colored races and women knew their station in life and kept it, if they knew what was best for them.
"Okay, okay. That's enough of that. We all have to admit to ourselves those days have sail on into the sunset [drawing laughter]," said Thurston-Howl IV. "We must now turn our attention to redressing the ghastly decision that has our poor dear little 'Scooter' running scared for the Hamptons. Well, if he could anyways, but last I checked they still haven't seceded from the Union, so it still wouldn't do him any good [drawing laughter]. Really. It won't. But there is always next year."
As he addresses the crowd taking donation pelages by conducting a mock slave auction fund riser to buy the U.S. federal Reserve banking system, he urges them to take the opportunity to call their Senators, "I, personally, never talk to my Congressman. Why bother? They don't have any real power anymore. Only to declare war and they gave that up years ago," he said.
With that, the entire crowd pulled out their mobile phones from their jackets and purses and pushed speed dial. In that signal touch of a button, they were talking immediately to almost to the entire Senate, even the Democrats.
"Remember, Clinton gave pardons to those Puerto Rican terrorists and Carter to Patty Hurst. So why not our 'Scooter'?" said Thurston-Howl IV. "He's no Gordon Liddy, you know. He won't last long in there."