CAPITOL HILL (Washington Post-Mortem)- Always a step ahead of her fellow libocrat presidential wannabes, erstwhile New York junior senator and ex-first lady Hillary (not Rodham anymore) Clinton has decided on a 2008 presidential campaign strategy that is certain to give her a leg up on the competition.
Adopting radical tactics is not new to the former White House 'main mama.' Having survived the seemingly insurmountable infidelities of Sultan of Sleaze Slick Willie is nothing short of a major miracle in and of itself. But this time, Hillary has had her ear to the ground and is in totally in tune with issues that affect Americans of every social class, color and cultural category. This time she's-quite literally-putting her foot down.
Fully cognizant of the detrimental effects of diesel fuel on both the ozone layer of our atmosphere and the harmful health hazards to human beings and other creatures inhabiting the Earth, a bus tour is absolutely out of the question.
Hoping to set an example to the vast majority of the American population who are overweight, Hillary is donning a pair of red, white and blue Nike© cowboy walking boots to show the citizens of our country that she's 'fit' to be president.
In this age of constant crisis (Paris Hilton notwithstanding) there's no mystery afoot here; only Hillary Clinton, stepping out in singular style. Her route will include every possible demographic group, whether they want her there or not. When it comes to her political aspirations, she's on a singular mission for votes. She thinks of it as if it were one of those posters in the Post Office: WANTED: Dead or Alive.
Kicking off her 'walk for the presidency' in her old stomping grounds, Little Rock, Arkansas will be the starting point for 'Hillary Clinton's Walk All Over America' Tour. The Libocrat front walker will set foot in each and every state of the United States, to show folks in all walks of life that she's got the best track record, and therefore, she's making tracks back to the White House in 2008.
Scheduled to make tracks throughout the entire US, not a single state can expect to escape her pedestrian propaganda pedaling push. She'll make it a point to stop at as many churches along the way, to pray for votes. Cemeteries are also along her route, as she will summon the dead to rise and vote for her on Election Day.
And, because she wants to win as many potential votes as possible, Hillary's trek will include a few pesos-er, paces 'South of the Border' to court Spanish-speaking soon-to-be-illegal aliens who'll be granted voting rights (welfare and free health care) as soon as they make it to the 'Promise Land.'
When asked why she chose such a chancy course, the she-Clinton quipped, "Hell, I've been walking all over Bill for years. I think that gives me the experience I need to do the same to the whole country!"
Coming to a town near you: Soon 'Clinton, the Sequel' will be observed toting a boom box blaring the volumnous voice of Nancy Sinatra shouting, "These boots were made for walking, and that's just what they'll do. One of the days these boots are gonna walk all over YOU!"