EMERALD CITY, OZ (AP Newsliar) -- Scarecrow has misplaced his brain again, the third time he's done so since making his epic journey to see the Wizard of Oz.
Scarecrow's "brain", actually a diploma declaring him a "Doctor of Thinkology", was bestowed upon him by the Wizard of Oz almost 70 years ago. Shortly thereafter, the Wizard abruptly departed by balloon, leaving Scarecrow as the de-facto steward of Emerald City with Tin Man and Cowardly Lion as his deputies.
The last time Scarecrow's "brain" was lost, Tin Man had found it blowing down a side street just off the main gate entrance to Emerald City. But, mistaking it for a piece of litter, he used it to wipe horse shit off his tin shoe.
"Now that's a shit of a different color," Tin Man was heard to quip jovially to passers-by, holding up the offensively multi-color stained parchment. Upon discovering he had soiled Scarecrow's diploma, he added: "I always knew he had shit-for-brains, and this makes it official. Oh, sometimes I slay myself! Shit-for-brains, HA!". Fortunately, the visiting good-witch Glenda was able to cast a spell and restore the document to its original shit-free condition.
This time the misplaced "brain" is proving more elusive. City guards have been searching unsuccessfully for three days. A reward of 100 gold nobles has been offered for its safe return.
"I betcha one o' them witches took it," Cowardly Lion told us this morning. "Like that Witch of the Southwest, I hear she's a real mean one. Why, I oughta tear that bitch limb from limb."
"Say, you don't hafta print that last part, do ya? I was only kidding," he added nervously.