Written by David Zucker
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Thursday, 5 February 2004

Jeremy Stone of San Francisco, CA, filed against Waste Management last week for excessive noise pollution.

Mr. Stone was quoted "Have you heard those trucks? I'm not sure what the absolute limit for noise limits are during sleep periods, but those things have got to exceed it."

When it was pointed out that garbage pickup in his neighborhood was usually around 11 am, Mr Stone replied that as a security guard working graveyard, that schedule was the worst for him.

"Why they don't just do afternoon pickup, I don't know. No one sleeps in the afternoons except maybe babies, and they don't have to keep a job"

Mr. Stone continued, "It's not that I don't like the city. I mean, the night life, the culture, going down to Geary for the challenge of figuring which hot babes are really hot babes, you can't beat the City. But Waste Management, they just gotta learn to respect an individuals right to peace and quiet."

Mr. Stone has also made threatening comments about fog horns, for his next area of action.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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