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Thursday, 5 February 2004

image for Bush Proposes "Wetback to Work" Plan
The president hopes this plan will be well-received.

Washington, DC--After receiving criticism from many Americans about his new illegal Mexican immigrant work plan, President George W. Bush has unveiled a newer and more astonishing plan, adoringly known as the "Wetback to Work" plan.

In his new policy, Bush outlines a "tried and true" method of turning illegals into "hard-working American citizens." According to Mr. Bush, the Wetback to Work plan "will work because it has worked."

"We're officially bringing back indentured servitude, a time honored tradition on which our country was founded," said a beaming and obviously giddy President. "This will both help our economy and ward off terrorism."

Because Mr. Bush did not clarify nor expound upon the whole "ward off terrorism" comment, it is assumed that he was just trying to slip that in under the radar, all subtle-like. We're not sure.

According to the plan, all illegal Mexican immigrants will be rounded up and their terms of indenture will be "auctioned off" to American businesses and even individuals. For a one-time fee, the winning bidder will get a hard-working "employee" for the set term of 14 years. The indenturer will be responsible for providing food and shelter for the indenturee. As a non-citizen, the immigrant will not be allowed to receive any wages.

President Bush smiled broadly as he continued, "To encourage this plan, the indenture fee will be, of course, completely tax deductible." At the end of the 14 years, the immigrant will be evaluated and either awarded citizenship or entered into another term of indenture, depending on the results of the evaluation.

Bush grinned and concluded, "To be fair, and to keep all those human rights groups off my back, the immigrants will be allowed out of the indentures at any time during the 14 years. They will simply have to reimburse their indenturer the original fee and then we will gladly ship them back to Mexico."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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