A Manhattan man filed a case with the New York District Court regarding alleged fraud, conspiracy and breach-of-contract charges today.
The man, Mr. Desmond James Lewis, said in a press interview, "I only want what the law says I'm entitled to. I entered into a contract with God when I joined the Mormons. God has done nothing but ignore His responsibilities under this contract."
When asked to produce a copy of this contract, Mr. Lewis claimed that the contract wasn't written on paper, but nevertheless was "legally binding. I am entitled to truth, salvation and three miracles per year - and so far, God is yet to deliver."
Judge Roger Glenbrooke, who will preside over this case, looks forward to hearing the facts. "It really will be an entertaining case. I mean, it will prove the validity of religion once and for all, won't it? God may be, well, a god, but that doesn't exempt Him from due process. I look forward to meeting Him in court - or, alternatively, of issuing an arrest warrent if He doesn't make an appearance."
However, it seems that an arrest for God will happen sooner than expected. A spokesperson for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints refuted the Judge's remarks, claiming that "God would tear the courthouse down around that sorry bastard's ankles. Fire and brimstone will rain from the skies, burying the blasphemers alive. Take no prisoners!"
Soon after the spokesperson made their remarks, they were taken into custody, and an all-points bulletin was issued for a deity answering to the description of God. The deity is wanted for alleged conspiracy to commit a terrorist attack.