Written by Monkey Woods
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Friday, 8 June 2007

image for Wheelchair Lout Finally Trapped By Quick-Thinking Trucker
Freeze, spazmo!

A disabled man who has been the scourge of police forces in North America for more than two years, has finally been caught, thanks to eagle-eyed pedestrians and a quick-thinking truck driver.

Ben Carpenter taunted police across ten States with his crazy acts of derring-do, until yesterday when he was unable to extricate himself from his latest prank - attaching himself to the radiator grille of a truck.

The truck, having stopped at a gas station in Paw Paw, Michigan, took off down the Red Arrow highway at top speed, with Ben in his unofficial "driving seat".

Pedestrians eventually alerted the truck driver, Waylon "Rubber Duck" Speedster, to his "extra passenger", and he drove straight to the Sheriff station at Paw Paw. He told the staff there:

"I got a spazmo on my radiator grille!"

It's the latest in a long line of death-defying escapades from the disabled daredevil, including encroaching onto the racetrack at the Indy 500, and navigating New York's underbelly on that city's subway system.

Last year, Carpenter, again in his trusty wheelchair, baled out of an airliner at 24,000 feet as it made its approach to Chicago Midway airport. His parachute finally opened at 200 feet, and he plummeted into a disused barn, flattening it.

After his arrest, Carpenter was charged with a variety of driving and public order offences, and detained in police cells.

Police Chief Randy Varmint, who is able-bodied, said:

"Thank the Lord this pest is finally behind bars!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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