Written by Monkey Woods
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Friday, 8 June 2007

image for Paris Hilton Has Wrong Size Electronic Tag
It's hard in jail

Paris Hilton, released from jail yesterday on the orders of a doctor, will today return to custody so that she can receive a proper fitting for her new bracelet.

Originally imprisoned for 45 days, Hilton spent only three days banged-up before complaining that her cell was "not what she was used to", and was promptly set free. She was given an electronic tag, and placed under house arrest for the remainder of her sentence.

After only two hours on the outside however, she rang Steve Whitmore at the Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department to say that her bracelet was too tight, and, in any case, did not match anything in her wardrobe.

Whitmore said:

"Miss Hilton was experiencing real discomfort. We're going to see if we've got one in her correct size and in a more suitable colour, something that will look good when she goes shopping."

When reminded that Miss Hilton was under house arrest, and that she would not be allowed to go shopping, Mr Whitmore replied:

"The Law's an ass, and so am I."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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