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Topics: Americans, missing

Wednesday, 4 February 2004

Many Americans are confused after President Bush's speech today detailing his concern that he's "not winning the primary election so far, in fact, missing from all of the ballots."

The President further baffled members of the press when he continued, "I mean, I'm not even sure yet how I can doctor the results if I'm not actually on the ballot to begin with. I'll admit, this election poses some real challenges for me and my supporters."

After several more minutes of rambling, the President fielded some questions by the press. One reporter's question, "Mr. President, you do realize that the current elections are primaries to determine the Democratic candidate for the November election, and that as the only Republican candidate you are definitely running in November, right?" received a speedy response by the President. "Yes, of course, I'm not a complete idiot." A collective sigh radiated from the audience.

Then another reporter asked the President why he was just talking about not winning the primary election earlier. "Well," responded the President, "because I want to serve another term."

While everyone present shared an awkward silence, the President smiled happily. "Alright," said Mr. Bush finally, "since there seem to be no more questions, this conference is officially over. I've got to get back to the campaign trail."

Just then White House Press Secretary Ari Fleischer leaned in and whispered something into the President's ear causing the President to nod and finish, "Oh yes, I've just been reminded of my top-secret meeting with Dick Cheney in which we're going to arm wrestle to choose which Axis of Evil to attack next. Thank you all for being here."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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