Written by Chuck Terzella
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Topics: primaries, Senator

Wednesday, 4 February 2004

Connecticut Senator Joseph Lieberman has withdrawn from the Democratic Presidential Primaries, citing the fact that, "that nobody really likes me." as his reason for giving up. The announcement was anticipated by most major news organizations. The only unexpected thing was that it took the erstwhile candidate so long to realize what the rest of the country already knew, that Senator Lieberman had less chance than George Bush to become the Democratic Candidate for President.

Senator Lieberman said in a written statement, " I'd like to thank all those losers who pinned their hopes on my candidacy. They were as stupid and misguided as I was to think that if I couldn't win with Al Gore coming off eight years of the Clinton Presidency then I had a chance in hell of winning without him."

Analysts also cited Lieberman's obvious joy at voting to bomb the stuffing out of Iraq as another reason for not receiving the support of any Democrat with an IQ over eighty.

"We're disappointed that Lieberman left the race," said unnamed White House source Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse, " He was the only candidate that was funnier looking than Bush, for one thing, at least among the top runners. Kucinich is pretty silly looking too and so is Sharpton, but of course, we had a feeling that those guys wouldn't go far."

When questioned about the substantive differences between Kerry and Bush, mainly that Kerry is a decorated war hero while George Bush not only got out of serving Vietnam by entering the Texas Air National Guard, but then decided that even that was too hard and went AWOL for a year or so, Waterhouse said, " We're disappointed that Lieberman left the race. He was the only candidate that was funnier looking than Bush."

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