CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Ripley, West Virginia - Bush Administration officials, in an effort to silence TheSpoof.com reporter, Cal-el, raised water utility rates by 24.9% to all of West Virginia. This comes after a series of articles that Cal Jennings did for TheSpoof.com about President Bush and his administration's failures.
Cal-el wrote about them being part of the Greedy Bastards Club and talked about how they were trying to silence the fact that Ron Paul is a real Republican. Cal-el told how Ron Paul represented the traditional values of the Republican Party like adhering to the Constitution of the United States, rather than the Constitution of the Greedy Bastards Club, how he supports smaller government and less restriction of personal liberties, how he defends that our government was built with faith in God, how he supports separation of church and state, and many other issues that "Progressive Republicans" (or Nazi Republicans as they refer to themselves in private) are wholeheartedly against.
Due to these scathing articles, the Nazi Republicans ordered the rate increase in all of West Virginia or anywhere else Cal Jennings moves. Cal-el has had to resort to showering with electron particles in his Fortress of Solitude since he can no longer afford the water with which to bathe.
"That damn Cal Jennings seems to thwart us at every turn. We tried to starve him out with high food prices, but he just went to the woods and ate sum uh that nachural un-processed stuff what we told the FDA to ban," said President Bush. "If we kain't starve 'im out, we'll tak away his watur an' see how he likes that! He don't drink white litnin' lik I do before mah speeches, so he kain't get no liquid thar. I raised thuh prices to thuh entire state and only raised thuh prices 24.9% instead of 25% so thuh voters wouldn't git suspishus. I'm reel smart. I'm thuh decider. I make thuh decishuns."
Cal-el said, "I really am sorry that the people of West Virginia are having to suffer for my patriotism, but they'll thank me if we can ever defeat the evil empire that Bush is trying to set up. Even the Russians know that Bush is just an imperialistic dictator. I sure hope we can overcome the media censorship about Ron Paul running for office before they silenc...