President George Bush, encouraged by the Hutton probe in Great Britain, has ordered an Intelligence probe of his own into the failings of his Administration's ability to determine who in this world actually represents a gathering threat and who was just a real mean guy.
Unnamed White House source Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse has assured this reporter, "We're all very excited about this probe and we plan to give the investigators every resource they need to get the job done. President Bush has already allocated $27.78 to fund the inquiry and we have an old warehouse scheduled to be torn down in March that's completely at their disposal. We're certain they'll be done by then."
The Independent Inquiry Commission will consist of Barbara and George Bush Sr., the President's parents, Florida Governor Jeb Bush, the President's brother and Vice President Dick Cheney, the Presidents brain. The group is apparently very energetic; Barbara Bush has hinted that they have already finished the report and it will be released at the moment best suited to help her sons re election campaign.
"The American people need to know what we want them to believe is the truth," opined Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of anonymity, " The President is committed to uncovering every fact that makes him look good. Anything else the commission may find will of course be covered by the National Security Act."