President George W. Bush suffered a near-fatal orgasm this afternoon while attending to his duties in the Oval Office, according to doctors who are treating him.
"It would appear something stimulated Mr. Bush and this resulted in an orgasm", Said Brig. Gen. (Dr.) Richard J. Tubb, the Physician to the President, and Director, White House Medical Unit, the White House, Washington, D.C. "We are providing him with the necessary treatment to prevent this from happening again".
Bush took partial responsibility for his medical condition. "I ignored the warning signs", Bush said from his hospital bed. "I was at a conference with Elaine Chao (Secretary of Labor) and I managed to glance a peek up her skirt. I suddenly felt some stiffness but I passed it off and assumed it would go away, like it usually does. Then I was sitting at my desk in the Oval Office when I opened my top drawer. The drawer hit me in just the wrong place and it happened".
Sources at the scene said Mr. Bush then grabbed his genitals and fell to the floor and paramedics were called. One female paramedic thought briefly about giving him mouth to mouth but then thought that would only exacerbate an already difficult situation.
Ms Chao was being questioned by White House security. There is some question as to whether Ms. Chao's flashing was accidental or a deliberate attempt to kill the President.
Bush is expected to remain in the hospital for the next few days and may face chemical or surgical castration.