Written by Denny Johnson
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Topics: Super Bowl, History

Wednesday, 4 February 2004

image for Right Breast Spotted at Half-time -- Left Pup a No-Show at Super Bowl!
Well -known Right Boob Rush Limbaugh

Tits Have a History of Exposure!

MTV apologized today after pop star Janet Jackson unintentionally exposed only her right breast during a half-time performance at the Super Bowl. "It was probably not intentional and is certainly regrettable." MTV News reported.

"The world was supposed to catch sight of both breasts -- obviously there was a wardrobe malfunction, " said the renowned music news service.

Experts from the Hooters International Breast Observatory (HIBO) said the incident -- witnessed by over 106 million viewers -- was the first time in history that Jackson's right breast has ever been sighted in public without the left.

Her leather bustier was apparently ripped during a singing duet with Justin Timberlake, revealing only her (R) breast adorned with what appeared to be a sun-shaped silver nipple ring. Half-time music critics said this was just another political attempt by the Jackson family to call away attention from her beleaguered brother Michael -- who, as of yet -- has no breasts.

"This was no accident -- I can't believe she wasn't wearing a bra -- do you?," zapped right-wing political pundit and former pigskin football Dennis Miller -- a renowned authority in world-boob studies.

"This is one me and Rush will be kicking around for quite awhile," Miller pointed out. "I guess we won't be hearing from the left anytime soon. This is a big disappointment to all us."

"Janet revealed a powerful secret to the world Sunday," said HIBO spokeswoman, Anna Wanda. "She was sending a political message. You see, she realized way back that gals are just as interested as guys -- in a good set of tits."

"Unfortunately, after this, the planet will now have to just estimate how much her left tit weighs -- it keeps it up for speculation."

Wanda said that the event brings focus again to a question pretty much plaguing the free world today: Can a left breast out-weigh her right partner? And by how much? And are they really like fingerprints on your chest -- each with it's own separate and distinct political personality?"

"Thanks to our weighing research we already know that some lefties are nine and ten ounces," said Miller using his hands to imitate breasts. "Others can be as heavy as a pound. Some are so minute you can't even get them to set on the scale and weigh out. Some hang over the sides of the scale -- they seem to sit there perched like pretty pink parakeets. Tweet-tweet."

"When artificial Boobs started to appear on the playing field it had about the same effect as the aluminum bat," explained Miller. "The advantage has shifted to women who have breast implants and know exactly how much their tits weigh -- all they have to do is look at the sales slip.

"Along the way in our research we've found that ladies many times have pet names for their tits or pups, "said Miller. "In our study we've discovered that many more right pups are named than their lefty counterparts. "

Jeeze, I even met a down-on-her-luck dancer I measured in Atlantic City who actually had three beauties -- albeit #3 was a runt -- and I always referred to her chest as her ‘money-makers."

"She called them Huey, Dewy, and Phooey, " said Miller.

The National Football League said it was unlikely MTV would be asked to produce another Super Bowl halftime show until the game moves to Detroit in 2005.

-30-

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