Congress has proposed a novel new program which promises to eliminate the National Debt and save Social Security all in one fell swoop.
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi announced in a press conference today that starting in 2010, seats in the Legislative Branch will no longer be chosen by popular election. The process will be replaced by an auction attended by special interest groups worldwide. She believes this is the best way to let the free market guide our government and solve our fiscal crisis.
"Imagine if Toyota has two senate seats and Honda only has one. Those Honda guys are going to have to pony up!" said Pelosi with a smile.
West Virginia congressman Robert Byrd, 90, the elder statesman of Congress, loves the idea.
"This is something we should have done years ago." said Byrd. "This will eliminate so much confusion.
"Why should Joe Lieberman pretend he represents Connecticut? Let's just announce him as 'the gentleman representing Israel.'"
Presidential hopeful Mitt Romney is also excited about the idea.
"We'll have guys from all sorts of groups, from Big Oil to Big Pharma, From the Christian Coalition to Planned Parenthood. From Lockheed Martin, to TRW, to the WTO, to the NRA. It will definitely be interesting." said Romney.
Disney has already claimed the TV rights for the event saying that they plan to assign ESPN's Emmy Award-Winning NFL Draft coverage team to handle the massive gala.
"We've got Mel Kiper, Jr. doing his homework already." said George Bodenheimer, President of ESPN.
Texas Congressman Ron Paul is not sure how he is going to get re-elected in the new system.
"I represent middle-class working Americans." said Paul. "How are those people going to win this auction? By the time 2010 rolls around, the government will have already taken all their money."
<This story was re-created from an essay written years ago by my father, John F. Henning, Sr. who passed away, one year ago today. -DJH >