Bowing to political pressure, President Bush is set to appoint an independent commission this week to review pre-war U.S. intelligence about Iraq's WMD and post war ineffectiveness in planting them, administration sources said Sunday.
Donald Rumsfeld said the United States was not alone in its pre-war interpretation of Iraq's weapons capability. Although intelligence agencies of US allies (including Banana Republic, Babakistan and Zanzai Islands) differed on how serious a threat Iraq was, "there was very little difference around the world on the issue, and to be clear when I mean world I mean us" Rumsfeld emphasised.
"It turns out we were all wrong, and that is most disturbing," Secret Service spokesman James "Jimbo" Torriti told a Senate Armed Services Committee hearing last week, during which he called for an independent probe of the apparent intelligence failure. "Not only there were no WMD found, but 2 of our new agents failed to plant them in Iraq" said Torriti. When asked to elaborate, Torriti unveiled that the service drafted two Saudi Arabian volunteers (Salem el Jihad and Saladin al Seitan) with the mission to plant 3 nuclear warheads and 100 smallpox artillery rounds in a Kirkuk compound, just before the arrival of UN inspectors. However, the whereabouts of the two agents are unknown as they vanished into thin air with the whole lot of the US provided WMD the moment their plane landed in Kabul.
" When Salem (el Jihad) and Saladin (al Seitan) asked for a transport to Kabul (2,500 miles away from their operating area in Kirkuk) we were not suspicious as we thought that they just wanted to have a pint with there mates before taking up the mission in Iraq" said Torriti. "When they requested permission to cross the Afghan Mountains to Pakistan we thought that some exercise would be good for them and gave our consent." "However, after 5 months of utter silence we are now a bit suspicious" Torriti admitted.