Written by queen mudder
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Topics: Sex

Friday, 1 June 2007

image for Church fires 'dildo-peddling' organist
Playing the organ or flogging dildos was the stark ultimatum

Wisconsin - (Ass Mess): Linette Servais, a Wisconsin church organist with over 35 years experience of ministering to parishioners' needs, has been fired because her boss Father Dean Dombroski found out she was supplementing her derisory ecclesiastical pay by selling sex toys.

At $1,000 per year Servais's church paycheck was so stingy that a secondary career was an absolute must.

"But fitting in a second job around my work on the organ, the choir, First Holy Communion photos and related parish activities was not easy.

"So moonlighting seemed like a good way to pay the rent."

When her boss Dombroski found out, Servais says he was livid and demanded she choose God or the sex toys industry.

"Either you pick the Lord or else you sell your fiendish paraphernalia, he told me.

"What the hell I thought! And after all the years I put into the church," Servais told the press today.

Dombroski has denied he forced his long-time organist into penury.

"Parishioners started complaining that it was unseemly for Linette to sell dildoes on the side," he told reporters today.

"Especially as Father O'Flaherty in the neighboring parish has held the Virginal Vibrator Corporation's franchise for the last twenty five years."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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