Congressional republicans want to deny David Beckham a working visa to play soccer in the United States.
"We have our own players here", said Republican Trent Lott, "And they would play for far less than what this guy wants.
"I mean, I see these Mexican playing soccer on my lawn and I'm sure they would sign up for peanuts."
A small protest group was quickly squashed by the national guard when "FREE BECKHAM" signs were placed in front of television cameras. The fans did not have the proper free speech permits according to one guardsman.
President Bush promised to personally address the issue as soon as the new English Prime Minister returned his calls.