President George W. Bush announced today that he intends to fire acting Surgeon General Kenneth P. Moritsugu and replace him with Dr. Jack Kevorkian, upon Kevorkian's release from prison, which is expected on June 1. Dr. Kevorkian, the so-called "suicide doctor", has spent the last 8 years behind bars for assisting in the death of a Michigan man.
"I think Jackie will make one heckuva sturgeon genital", the president told reporters. "He's a the kind of guy that down in Texas we would say that sticks to his guns when the goin' gets tough. Do ya catch my drift?" When asked about the status of Dr. Kevorkian's medical license, the president said "It ain't like he's gonna be practicing medicine and seeing patients or nothing. He don't need a license to be sturgeon genital."