Iowa City, Iowa - While campaigning to a group of college students in America's Heartland, Republican Presidential hopeful Rudy Giuliani told the audience to re-read George Orwell's classic "1984" to get an idea of what this country needs from its next president.
"At a time when some of my opponents are telling me to do some reading, I have found a book for them." said Giuliani. "I don't know who this Orwell guy is, but he is clearly a man with a great vision of how government should operate. And to think he thought of all this stuff twenty-three years ago!"
The former New York City Mayor promised that if he is elected, within the first one-hundred days of being sworn in, he will have telescreens installed in the home of every American family, regardless of race, creed or sexual preference.
Giuliani said he plans to visit Oceana as soon as possible to speak with their leaders about setting up a Ministry of Truth here in the United States.
He also likes Orwell's suggestion of a specific time of day set aside to incite the most base instincts within the human psyche.
"If there was ever a time in our history where we need the Two-Minutes Hate to fill ourselves with paranoia and free ourselves from any shred of rational thought, this is that time!"
The idea of a "Big Brother" to look out for each citizen and for terrorists also hit home with Giuliani.
"Everyone should have a Big Brother. And who better than the federal government to be that watchful eye?" said Giuliani. "I love my Big Brother. In fact, he was the best man in some of my weddings."
Giuliani hopes the Big Brother references will attract the so-called "Family Values" voters whom he might have alienated with his pro-choice stance.