Written by Chris Nelson
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Friday, 30 January 2004

image for Lieberman "Pretty Much Screwed."
Joe and Al : Pretty Much Screwed

Greenville, South Carolina---- Mark Rothstein, top aide and advisor to Senator and presidential candidate Joseph Lieberman admitted today that the Senator, a soft spoken Liberal Jew from the Northeast, was "pretty much screwed" in the upcoming South Carolina primaries.

"Think about it," Rothstein said, "I mean, I love Joe, but do you really think he's got a chance in hell in South freaking Carolina? I mean, most of the people don't even believe that anywhere north of Baltimore even exists," he said.

He continued, "Not to mention the dismal performances in Iowa and New Hampshire. Joe was in a three-way tie for freaking last place, for crying out loud. Nine percent of the vote? Mondale won more votes in the '84 race. Walter Freaking Mondale, can you believe it?"

The candidate himself, however, seems unfazed, and bordering on outright denial. "We've got great Joe-mentum from New Hampshire, we were in the top seven candidates there, and South Carolina and the South won't be any different," Senator Lieberman said after a rally Thursday. "In fact, we had a record breaking crowd here at the rally today. Joe-mentum!" he said.

After the same rally, Rothstein speculated on the Senator's state of mind. "I know the senator said we had a record breaking crowd here, but we had 16 people, mostly from catering. I'm not sure if the Senator is in denial, or delusional, or what," Rothstein said through repressed sobs.

Rothstein was sure that he'd be looking for work soon. "I don't know what to do, maybe I'll get that MBA my wife wants me to get," he said, filling his briefcase with office supplies.

"He's pretty screwed, alright," Rothstein said, "but not as much as Al Sharpton. That guy'll never figure it out."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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