WASHINGTON (AP) - George Bush now claims he is the reincarnation of Adolf Hitler, and has realized this boyhood dream of becoming dictator with his new Presidential Directives which he released on May 9.
"Yup, Adolf…that's me!" Bush told a few startled reporters at a poorly attended White House news conference. "My grandfather Prescott Bush bankrolled Hitler, you know," Bush confided with a big grin. "So dictatorship sort of runs in my family."
Although barely mentioned in the mainstream media, Bush's new directives give him dictatorial powers in any kind of "emergency" such as a Reichstag fire. The directives allow Bush to end constitutional government, to end the courts and Congress, and to set up special camps for bad citizens.
His new powers are spelled out in the documents "National Security Presidential Directive/NSPD 51" and "Homeland Security Presidential Directive/HSPD-20."
"So if we stage another event like 9/11, or have another Katrina due to global warming, the new directive is activated and I become God," gloated Bush. "I can't wait! I'd also build temples in every American city and town to Augustus Bush, where my citizens can pray to me and leave offerings and make sacrifices."
The new Presidential Directives were immediately endorsed by AIPAC, the Pentagon and the oil industry. Congress and the Supreme Court had nothing to say about them.
But Pat Robertson said, "Hey, this is great to have a new God…I was getting kind of tired with Jesus Christ anyway. Hell, Amerika is already halfway there thanks to Bush."
The documents also give Vice President Dick Cheney the key role in implementing emergency plans and powers and running the Gestapo.