Massachusetts Senator John F. Kerry has won both the Iowa Caucus and the New Hampshire Primary, but a new contender is making surprising inroads in the presidential campaign. A small brown stain is rocketing up in the polls, exciting interest among Democrats and Republicans alike.
" Kerry's ok, but this stain really seems to have some good idea's", said Festus P. Fringe, a New Hampshire voter, " If that little critter was on the ballot I'd a voted for it."
Un named White House official Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse said, " Quite frankly, we're concerned. We can handle Dean and Kerry, even Wesley Clark, but a brown stain is too close to Bush for people to be able to tell the difference. Actually, a brown stain is a bit better than Bush, because it's not as white as the president and therefore could pull in the Black and Hispanic vote."
Waterhouse, while denying it's existence, said that White House dirty tricks crews were attempting to destroy the stain by using bleach, carbona and soap and water. So far, they've only succeeded in smearing Dick Cheney's hand painted silk tie.
The small brown stain has advocated abolishing not only the Bush tax cuts, but George Bush himself, as well as the dismantling of Donald Rumsfeld, Condoleezza Rice and John Ashcroft. While not the most eloquent of the candidates, the stain seems to be leaving a mark out of all proportion to it's size. President Bush has experienced a sudden drop in the polls, which the White House has taken to calling the "Stain Drain" and John Kerry has questioned the stains war record. It is apparent that all the major candidates are running scared, creating little brown stains of their own.