Details of Iran's diabolical plan to attack the US with missiles full of black cats were released today. President Bush's immediate response was to order a total invasion of Iran.
"I'm the decisioner!" proclaimed Bush when Pentagon officials advised the President to remain calm; black cats are not dangerous. But Bush remained wary, "Even if you're not stupidstishus, just think of the chaos that'll happen when all those cats run loose on the highway, you'll have people swerving and crashing to avoid crossing the path of a black cat. People will be calling animal control and cities being over run with cats and fleas and FEMA chasing all those cats and Brownie, where are your Brownie? Somebody help me--I'm the decisioner-I'm the decisioner!! Help!" At this point the President was wisked away by the Secret Service to an undisclosed location, due to an undisclosed security risk.
PETA released a statement condemning the use of cats in missiles, calling it animal cruelty. "We certainly do not advocate the use of any animal in any war. War is for killing people, not innocent little kitties," said Peep L. Hatr of PETA.
Garfeild the Cat, of comic strip fame, also weighed in on the issue, "I don't care, as long as all those cats don't mess with my lasagna."