CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Washington, D.C. - Today, President Bush said that he could not end the War on Terror or the War in Iraq because he needs a bigger yacht. He doesn't want to be the laughing stock of the Corrupt Bastards Club.
"We need more oil so I can make more money. I don't want to take the money out of my vast savings. I want to let it sit there so the little peeple can't get their stinkin' hands on it. I need a bigger yacht, and that's more important than their misrable little lives. Who cares about the poor anyway? Do you expect me to take my Corrupt Bastards amigos out on this old yacht? It's gotta be at least six months old. During these last few months I've been trained by Al-Queda. I'm sure you can imagine it's an unimaginable honor to be trained by Al-Queda and to be a member of the Corrupt Bastards Club."
When asked what he thought of the American taxpayers and what they might think of that, President Bush just shot the finger and said, "Rich people don't HAVE to pay taxes. That's my base, and I don't care about no one else."
"But President Bush," said Cal Jennings, "many of the people who voted for you are middle-class Republican Americans who pay taxes."
"They ain't true Republicrats unless they make at least $100,000 a year. Anyone with less couldn't contribut enough to my party, my wealth, and my purpuses."