A group of men from West Virginia, distrurbed and disgusted by the news and debauchery out of Juneau, Alaska, has decided to form their own Corrupt Bastards Club. That organization has been in the news lately in connection with several illicit scams and incidents.
The new club president is Willard Fenis, owner of Willard's Drug Store and Soda Fountain. The first meeting was held in the back of that drug store. In an exclusive interview, he offered this information:
"We done decided we wanted our own club. Them thar fellers in Alasker is having the time of their lives with the women and the money and the power, and we decided we needed ta do sumthin in our neck of the woods."
"We only invited men to be in our group that got no other club offiliations. So there's no clan, no Lions, no Rotarians, un no Knights of Columbus. Ed's wife sells Tupperware on the side, but we're gonna let that slide fer this once."
"Our club motto is that we're gonna get what's ours. We done sent a letter to the White House. We got some purdy stationary over at the five and dime and invited Mr. Vice President Dick Cheney to come un speak at us. We'd ask him to go huntin' with us, but all ya'll know how that'd turn out."
"After that first meetin', we went out back un shot the glass outta a couple of abandoned cars. The folks livin' in em didn't like that to much and skedaddled purty quick."
"Fer our first official group activity of debauchery and depravity, we figure we'll all tie one on and head over ta Cal's house. He's our entertainment coordinator and he says his sister's generally willin'. I'm donatin' the condoms frum mu drug store."
"After that, we'll go TP the mayor's house cuz he said he wuz too busy ta join up. We wuz gonna throw sum eggs at it, but all we gots, that the wives'll let us have, is the leftovers from Easter in our fridges un hard boiled don't make a big enough mess."
"We ain't figgured out how we'll get rich of this yet, but the fun stuff'll start pretty early. I guess Cheney ken teach us how ta make money off a it."