Minneowakmookookeekee, FL---The Florida Senate today upheld and passed a law proposed by the Florida House, banning restaurants from having "Early Bird Special" buffets. This has come in the wake of statewide violence amongst octogenarians fighting for a place in line at restaurants across Florida, in hopes of garnering the freshest three-bean casserole or getting the mashed potatoes while still warm and buttery.
"More than once I've seen dentures go flying," said Ryan Cranmore, a server at Lou's Place in Fort Lauderdale. "It can get downright ugly," seconded Tracy McNair, hostess. "I've swept up piles of blue hair".
Senior Citizens reacted swiftly to the news, leaving Florida by the cartload. Many said they would try Arizona. Others felt betrayed, and didn't know where to turn.