Written by Cal Jennings
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Wednesday, 16 May 2007

image for Jerry Falwell Passes Away - Bush Will Miss Him
Rev. Jerry Falwell Dies at 73

CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Heaven - Jerry Falwell passed away today after having a heart attack. Falwell, the small town son of an alcoholic father who sold bootleg liquor during Prohibition, registered millions of conservative voters to the Republican cause.

Even some Republicans noticed that Falwell was a little harsh. John McCain called him and Pat Robertson "agents of intolerance," though it is uncertain whether McCain meant that as a criticism or a compliment.

George Bush said that he will dearly miss Rev. Falwell as the president based his whole career on Falwell's teachings. "Now who am I going to look to for spiritual guidance," said Bush.

Falwell seemed to completely miss the love and forgiveness of Christianity altogether. Falwell was noted for saying that the September 11 terror attacks were Divine punishment for gays, feminists and abortionists and that Aids was God's punishment for homosexuals. God said that Falwell's heart attack was punishment for misrepresenting the name of Christ.

God is having St. Peter hold Falwell at the gate of heaven for misusing His Son's name. While He reviews Falwell's record for admittance to heaven, God keeps referring to the verse, "If you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you." It is unknown whether God will admit Falwell into heaven.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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