Washington D.C. - After years of speculation by the media, the White House finally acknowledged today that George Bush is indeed high on crack cocaine. Until today, the oft asked question, "Is Bush on crack?" was met with scoffing denials or mute silence from administration officials.
However, members of the White House staff conceded they finally ran out of explanations for the lengthy string of irrational, moronic decisions by President Bush, and were forced to confess the obvious: Bush is a crack head.
According to sources, there is an opium den just two doors down from the Oval Office where Bush, Cheney, Rice and other high-ranking administration officials frequently gather to partake of opiates, hallucinogens and various cocaine-related drugs. Bush prefers crack, while Cheney enjoys a cocktail of his own design that includes equal portions of animal tranquilizers, paint thinner and Percocet.
The room (referred to as "Candy Land" by insiders) is routinely used for high-level decision-making, and it is where plans for the invasion of Iraq were hatched. "That certainly explains a lot," noted Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi on learning of the White House drug den.