The vast majority of American soldiers stationed in Iraq are starting to display homosexual characteristics, according to a Pentagon report secretly leaked to the media.
American servicemen serving extended stays in Iraq have been deprived of the company of women and are rarely even allowed to speak with their wives or girlfriends. All Iraqi women are required to be covered in veils and tarps. Servicemen are not allowed pornography or any depiction of nude women. This has resulted in many formerly heterosexual soldiers to turn gay.
"That's not true at all", said Rear Admiral Mark Fox, communications director for Multinational Force Iraq as he sipped a fruity cocktail. "There are no gay boys or homos in my platoon or any Iraqi platoon".
Some soldiers disputed Fox assertions. "We have to sleep with boys and shower with boys and spend all our time with boys", said a Sergeant who did not want his name revealed. "Desperate times call for desperate measures".
"There are some advantages", said an unnamed Private. "Now I can just throw a pillow on my sleeping bag and the whole tent looks fabulous".
One Iraqi platoon was seen putting on their own Broadway-style musicals. Another platoon was reprimanded for demanding matching drapes and shower curtains. Army psychologists are investigating the matter.
The Spoof was unable to reveal the thousands of names of Iraqi soldiers because of the Military's strict "don't ask, don't tell" policy.