Buenos Ares, Brazil - The Pope's first visit to Latin America has been a success, drawing little controversy, if any. But with The Holy See announcing today that he was holding a special outdoor prayer service in a personal intersession on behalf of the entire nation of Brazil for its collective sin against mankind, its invention of the Brazilian "bathing wears" caused a fervor between Brazilian Nationalists and country's devout Catholics.
"The Brazilian bikini, bathing wears, or however you put it, is responsible for the impure thoughts of millions of Catholics around the world," said Father Garry O'Brien. "The Holy Father is merely attempting to mitigate that collective sin on behalf of our Brazilian brothers and sisters. All the Holy Father asks is that they openly confess their trespass and sin no more."
A spokesperson for the Brazilian Cultural Affair Ministry said that the Government of Brazil considers it an effrontery to the National identity of Brazilians, "The Brazilian Bikini precedes the French Bikini by hundreds of years," said Maria Bonita Cara-Corazon, "Going back to the time when Pirates roamed the Seas and Oceans of South America and Brazilian Native women would give them their vines and leaves off their backsides so they could use them as dressings for their eye-injuries [eye patches]."
That act of kindness by young attractive half-naked dark sunkissed tanned Brazilian women formed the first alliance between, comparatively speaking, defenseless Natives of the New World and the invading well-armed hordes of Europeans. It saved the Brazilian peoples from being plundered and pillaged, though the incidents of sexual assault did rise sharply throughout the centuries ever since and continues to this day.
"It is not an exaggeration to say that women of Brazil were the nation's first ambassadors and the String or Micro-mini bikini their diplomatic credentials," continued Maria Bonita Cara-Corazon. "Which they don to this day with great pride, dignity and much personal satisfaction; fully conscious of its heritage and significance of self-sacrifice."
"There is also an economico factor to consider here," said International Economists and World Capital Marketing Consultant, Pablo Neruda Jr. "The Tourismo business of Brazil would collapse overnight. Then the Brazilian peoples would truly be naked."
The Vatican hinted at a compromise in a statement it released shortly after the uproar: "The Holy Father in no way intended to insult the proud peoples of Brazil or prevent them from continuing to share their natural resources and national treasure with the world."