Written by queen mudder
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Friday, 11 May 2007

image for Old, fat, ugly or pregnant strippers will need NYC licence
Women like this would need a licence

New York - (Ass Mess): Officials in New York City have become so fed up with the recent influx of old, fat, ugly or "even heavily pregnant" strippers that they have decided to start a new licensing system "before New York becomes a laughing stock as the worst striptease capital of the world."

Felix Ortiz, State Assemblyman, D-Brooklyn, has proposed legislation Monday which would require the state's strippers and exotic dancers to obtain a permit before being let loose on an unsuspecting public.

"It's come to this because customers are being ripped off," said a colleague on Assembly.

"We ain't gonna stop any old, fat, ugly or pregnant strippers from seeking work, that would be unconstitutional.

"But we're sure gonna make 'em buy a license to perform.

"That way customers will know it's a totally legit act and put their money where their mouth is - if that's what they wanna do."

Next month NYC council will introduce a Dance Performer Registration Act that women will have to register under.

Women will have to sign up under their real names, real genders, undergo a medical and have mandatory shots to ensure they aren't spreading anything anti-social.

But not everybody is entirely happy about this new move:

A spokeswoman for the Old, Fat, Ugly, Pregnant Women's Naked Dance Union said the proposed legislation would be a violation of her members' constitutional rights.

"Maybe them that's wanting this new law's hidin' somethin," Roxy Clitflash said today.

"An' maybe some's on that DC madam's client list or somthin', or's hiding behind some Corrupt Bastards Club membership. Who the hell knows, hah?"

The proposed new law is to be debated next week.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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