Washington, DC--- El Prez Bush today announced he will allow unassailed drilling all across Alaska, in order to tap believed huge reserves of oil.
"We'll sink 'em deep," said bush of the oil rigs. "I'll be damned if some tar--taragons--ptarmigans will stop that."
Outsiders are surprised at the lack of vocal response from the U.S Environmental Protection Agency (EPA), anticipating a backlash against this executive policy that never came.
"I expected an outcry from the EPA" said activist Craig Monroe, a fifth year liberal arts student at Georgetown University in Washington, DC. "But it has yet to materialize."
In Local News, MPDC (Metro Police District of Columbia) Question Suspects in Kidnapping
A bound and gagged individual was found in nearby Rock Creek Park, just a few minutes drive from the White House. Sources say the bound individual loosely matched descriptions of EPA Administrator Stephen Johnson, who has been missing since Bush's announcement of unimpeded drilling in Alaska.