Written by Jack Battler
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Topics: Law, FDA, lawsuits, Chefs

Wednesday, 9 May 2007

image for Angry Peckers To Sue Government

APPLEBY, NC--It was just another feast in the life of a chicken; or so thought the future finger-licking-good fowl at various U.S. based chicken farms. But when reports that the food they were eating may have been contaminated came to light last month, the angry chickens decided they had better hire a lawyer.

"The Food and Drug Administration has ruled the chickens 'safe to eat,'" said Farcel Freebird, the lawyer for the more than 10 thousand birds involved in the class action lawsuit, "But what about the chickens themselves! Yes, they are slated for the butcher block but in the meantime they have every right to eat food that is not poisoned or otherwise dangerous to their short lives."
Around 20 million chickens were fed the questionable food and officials have so far focused on the possible risk to humans.

"There is very low risk to human health" from eating the chickens, according to findings released by the Agriculture Department and the FDA.

"If a person were to eat the chickens for breakfast, lunch and dinner, the amount of melamine consumed in one day would be 1/2,500 of the minimum dose thought capable of posing a health risk," said an FDA official. "At worst a person might begin to cluck or possibly grow feathers around the foot area. Nothing really to worry about, and the effects are completely temporary. In fact, the biggest factor noticed so far is that people tend to be hitting the roost a bit earlier than usual."

As for the lawsuit by the chickens?" the Agriculture Department said in a statement, "We think it is fowl play at best. We have identified the loudest of these troublemaking squawkers and I'm confident they will be first in line for processing. The only thing they need to think about is whether they want to be original recipe or extra crispy."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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