CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Washington, D.C. - Laura Bush finally got President George Bush to agree to wear a white tie when he meets the Queen at the White House. "But I don't wanna', Laura," he kept saying over and over, said Laura.
"I think Mrs. Bush is thrilled to have a white-tie dinner, and we'll leave it at that," said Amy Zantzinger, the new White House social secretary. She refused to comment on how the president felt.
After cutting George off for the second weekend in a row, the president finally succumbed to the pressure. President Bush underwent concentrated classes of etiquette where the instructor repeatedly told him, "The queen shall be addressed as 'Your Majesty.' The prince is 'Your Royal Highness,' but at last word, the president was still referring to the Queen as "Number two," and kept saying, "You try harder, don'tcha?" He was still referring to Prince Charles as "Charlie Boy."
When told that after Her Majesty finishes her meal, everyone's meal is finished, President Bush said, "Not to worry, I'm a really fast eater... 'specially if we have some of that barbequed pig."
The guidebook includes the queen's dietary restrictions. "She doesn't like spicy food," Anita McBride, Mrs. Bush's chief of staff told Mr. Bush.
Mr. Bush replied saying, "Wait 'til she gets a taste of my jalepeno barbeque sauce on that pig."
Republicans sided with the president. Representative David Derrier of California understood the white-tie anxiety. "Just the idea of tails - it's not comfortable," Mr. Derrier grumbled.
In July 2001, the Bushes had lunch with the queen at Buckingham Palace.
"He didn't drink water out of his bottle," said Ari Fleischer, "which was a great relief to most of us. He did, however, refer to Her Majesty as 'Queenie.'"
The president made no other social miscues at those events, but last year he was spotted eating a dinner roll while talking to Prime Minister Tony Blair of Britain and commenting on how much it looked like his "ass." At that meeting of world leaders, Mr. Bush also gave Chancellor Angela Merkel of Germany an impromptu shoulder rub.
"This ordeal is obviously going to be an embarrassment for Mrs. Bush and America," said Ms. McBride. "He obviously has no more manners than his average constituents who live in trailer parks. I've seen billy goats with better etiquette."
"Heh heh... I'm gonna' meet the Queen," said Bush.