Written by Cal Jennings

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Topics: Drugs, FDA, suicide

Wednesday, 2 May 2007

image for FDA Releases Suicide Pills
"Suicide Pill" Anti-depressants

CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Washington, D.C. - The FDA gave the O.K. to "Suicide Pills" today. Many anti-depressants cause suicidal thoughts and actions, especially in younger adults. The "Suicide Pills" are a new push by the Bush Administration to thin the population.

"We raised the age warning on the pills, so that should keep us free of the more expensive lawsuits by parents," said one FDA official. "As much profit as we make on anti-depressants, this lawsuit management procedure should really bring in the dough."

President Bush said, "If the Democarts won't let me kill young people in Iraq, we'll just kill 'em with pills. heh heh None of my family has to go to war. That's for families who don't have politicians in 'em."

President Bush already vetoed the Democrats' bill, but fears that the Democrats may take further action and reduce the escalation of the phony war for oil. "If we don't thin out the population, we'll have a bunch of poor people that might want the Social Security that they paid for. What do they think it is... some kind of government program or sumpthin'?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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