Written by queen mudder
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Tuesday, 1 May 2007

image for Kentucky welcomes home a winner as Larry brings the baby home
Dannielynn's going to the Derby to meet the Queen of England

Louisville, Kentucky - (Ass Mess): When he first met billionaire's widow and ex-Playboy centerfold Anna Nicole Smith at the Barnstable Brown party on the eve of 2005 Kentucky Derby little did Californian photographer Larry Birkhead realise that just two years later, after some tragic twists of fate, he would be returning home to a hero's welcome with just about the most famous trophy baby in the US if not the entire world - Dannielynn Hope Marshall Birkhead.

And potentially an extremely rich little baby girl at that given the impending resumption of her deceased mother's legacy lawsuit in California this month.

Three months of gruelling courtroom dramas have finally proved that baby Dannielynn is Larry's lovechild by the famous former stripper whose mysterious sudden death in February left her baby orphaned.

But now Larry Birkhead is the talk of the town having fought the dragon mother-in-law figure of Virgie Arthur in Nassau for his daughter's custody, and seen off other paternity contenders including Zsa Zsa Gabor's philandering husband Prince Frederik Von Assfelt and shyster lawyer Howard K Stern.

This week Larry will be showing off his cute little trophy daughter to a a celebrity-packed gala on the even of the Derby to which the even Queen of England herself has been invited.

An array of TV and press deals has meant his arrival in Louisville Airport today was via a chartered private plane and not some overcrowded commercial flight.

And the $$$$ offers keep pouring in for his life story, a bio-pic about the baby, commercial endorsements, exclusive photo-ops - you name it.

"All that he now has to do is name the winer of the 133rd Kentucky Derby and Larry will be God around here!" one local exclamied today.

The race is run this Saturday with the Queen of England attending.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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