Written by Stefano M. Stefano
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Topics: George W. Bush

Tuesday, 1 May 2007

image for Bush To Attack New Planet
Artists rendering of the Decider-1

President Bush has approved funding for a new long-range space mission and has christened the spacecraft, 'Decider-1'.

The mission, code-named 'Don't Mess With Planet Texas', will see a huge manned Earth ship loaded with marines, troops, and billions of dollars worth of weapons and vehicles with inferior armor plating, sent to the recently discovered new planet located some 20 light years from our planet.

Informed that mankind doesn't yet have warp drive to get there at the speed of light, and that even a one-way voyage would take hundreds of years, Bush was adamant. When asked how he could justify a useless mission costing trillions of dollars, Bush stated,

"Y'see, that's the great thing about being a war-time president; you don't have to explain yourself and you don't pay for anything outta your own pocket, so everything works out real good."

When asked why he was launching a preemptive attack against a planet that might not have WMDs, let alone intelligent life, Bush replied,

"What part of all those space movies and tv shows weren't you paying attention to? There's always space aliens on other planets, and they always have WMDs! Look at 'Indepence Day', 'Lost In Space', and all those Flash Gordon serials! I'm just here to save the world, and if I gotta blow up another planet to keep you safe from some kinda bug-eyed Klingon Dalek robot monsters that want to take all our women and Britney Spears, then that's what I'm gonna do!

Asked if he was going to help rebuild the alien civilization that he plans to blow away, Bush indicated that a future president could handle that problem, probably

President George W. Bush the 147th and his vice-president, the half-man half-android, King Cheney of planet Haliburton.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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