Written by Moose&Squirell
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Monday, 30 April 2007

image for Million Dollar I.D. Theft Ring Run By Kids Busted
Playground identification thieves told by FBI to do handstands to allow stolen money to drop out

SPRINGFIELD, COLORADO--(BREAKING NEWS) An FBI task force swooped in and arrested 38 Springfield Junior High School students with ages ranging from 10 to 15 years old & 2 adults on serious I.D. theft charges turning up to $990,000 in cash.

The children ran the scam, conducted by mail, across state lines with the main suspect, Mark Lowton, 26, who is still at large. Lowton, an immigrant from jolly old England, employed as a DVD rewinding technologist for Blockbuster Video, ran the scam from his home in Tombstone, Texas. The two adult suspects, Hal A. Towsus-Penoman, 40, bronco-bull mechanic & fry cook for Big Butt Burgers Bar & Grill and Cal Jenkins, a professor of Asstro-Fizzsix at Cal-el Christian State University of Tombstone.

The scam operated by playground school aged teens who would hang around the gym at the city recreation area, recruiting younger children with a "secret survey for kids" for which children would be awarded $30.00 to fill out. These questionnaires asked for the names & address, social security numbers and other personal identification of their parents which they were to attain secretly and even provided instruction on where to look for these items. When all the information checked out, they were paid in cash.

They would then ask these kids to recruit others, similar to a pyramid scam, encouraging others to fill out more surveys from their friends and splitting the money as a go-between in the operation, all the time keeping it quiet. The survey had a warning against telling their parents otherwise, they would not get paid.

Chief Investigator from the Federal Bureau of Investigations, Erect Gnarly, had this to say about the arrests, "Arrrgh!, avast there me matey, Many a time I fought the good fight. Whether in war or in the army. Perchance, one day I could probably take a tumble with a Kodiak polar bear in the Alaska wilderness or a swing to the head with an oar off a tuna boat or san pan, Heaven knows for sure...ArRgh! Whatever"

More arrest may surface as this investigation continues, so, in the meantime do not fill out surveys or application which asks for personal information. Especially from the I.R.S.!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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