Written by Jalapenoman
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Saturday, 28 April 2007

image for John Edwards and the $400 Haircut
Does this look like a $400 haircut?

John Edwards fought against the $1200 toilet seats and $285 dollar hammers. The Senator was vigilant in searching through bills in Congress to block extravagent spending and purchases. He rallied against governmental trips to Nassau or Maui for departmental meetings or Christmas parties. The former Vice Presidential candidate sought out waste and pork barrel spending and graft and imbezzlement and improper lobbying practices and monetary misdirection.

This week, he got a $400 haircut from a Los Angeles stylist using campaign contributions. While returning to his hotel, he purchased a $214 hamburger lunch on his state expense account. A lobbyist offered him an after dinner drink in the hotel bar, and he joined him for an evening on the town spent trying to watch Hollywood starlets get out of limos without their panties.

When asked why he would throw away many years worth of oversight for what could have been an $11.95 Mastercuts job, Edwards said "because the stylist had big tits and I wanted her to lean those into my face. I did manage to cop a feel with my nose and my left cheek, and got in a few sniffs also."

An actual, normal, red blooded American response from a politician! All is understood and forgiven.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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