(New York, New York) -- Opposites really do attract. Billionaire developer, media star, and serial monogamist Donald Trump, has announced that comedian turned talk show host and "infant terrible" Rosie O'Donnell will carry his child. The Donald's seed is expected to be planted this summer. It was unclear whether the, uh, planting, would be personal (in utero) or clinical (in vitro). Given their public and often quite personal feuding of late, most observers anticipate the Donald to be a "turkey baster dad."
An April birth is expected. Consistent with his penchant for modesty and privacy, The Donald announced the unique union from Trump Tower after alighting from Trump Helicopter #1 with his infant son and real-life "Apprentice" Baron Trump in tow. "When Rosie first brought the idea up at the Waldorf Astoria, which is a magnificent property by the way, I immediately saw the mutual marketing advantages for our respective brands," he said without taking a breath and without any sense of irony.
"If it's a girl, we'll call her Queen," said a jovial self-impressed Trump sporting a new summer combover in summer blonde. "If it's a boy, we'll call HIM Queen too, HA HA" shouted a bemused self-satisfied Rosie from inside Trump Chopper #1, dropping fries on its caramel buffed leather seats and harvest gold carpeting. Mrs Kelly O'Donnell, who is a hottie, was unavailable for comment.
Vice President B A Dick Cheney, whose openly gay daughter Mary it was announced exclusively in the spoof.com will carry his in vitro child, said through a spokesperson, "Trump? What a Dick wannabe!, AAAAArk!"