CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Washington - The Occupational Safety and Health Administration, or OSHA, has been taken over by President George W. Bush.
"We've gotta' stop these frivil... frival... frivul... pesky lawsuits that refinery and chemical plant workers are bringing against corporerashuns just tryin' to make a buck. It's gettin' hard to make money in thuh oil industry, ya' know," said Bush. "Employees are tryin' to sue the companies just because they got a arm or a leg blown off. Even worse, some people are tryin' ta sue just because their loved ones were burned inta crispy critters. Heck, there just workers. They probly don't even contrib... conribu... contrab... give to Republcrat election campaigns. What do they need with money?"
The New York Times stated, in an article by Stephen Labaton,
Since George W. Bush became president, OSHA has issued the fewest significant standards in its history, public health experts say. It has imposed only one major safety rule. The only significant health standard it issued was ordered by a federal court.
It was further stated,
The agency has killed dozens of existing and proposed regulations and delayed adopting others. For example, OSHA has repeatedly identified silica dust, which can cause lung cancer, and construction site noise as health hazards that warrant new safeguards for nearly three million workers, but it has yet to require them.
TheSpoof.com reporter, CalJennings, used to work for a refinery. When asked for his comments, he stated, "It probably doesn't make much difference that Bush took over the agency. The refineries haven't let OSHA in the gates since the Reagan Administration."
When President Bush was asked if this new responsibility would delay his wedding to Prime Minister Tony Blair, he replied, "No. The wedding will go on as planned. Why should I let the safety of a few hundred thousand workers ruin my plans. They have hard hats and saftey gear. What do they want? Do they expek the companies to put out hard earned money to fix leaks and stuff? We've gotta conserve money, cut back the fat from the company buget. Compiny presidents need more yachts to take me on when I visit. Do you realize how much it cost to take one of them big boats out for a couple hours? The workers have plenty protection. Now they're claimin' that poisunus gas is poisunin' them. How can sumthin' you can't see harm ya'?"