Written by Stefano M. Stefano
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Wednesday, 25 April 2007

image for Bush Chooses New War Czar

After weeks of searching for a so-called 'War Czar' that would oversee the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, the Bush Administration has found their man.

Three retired 4-star generals, that had been previously approached for the high-ranking position that would see someone give directions to the Pentagon and the State Department, all declined citing that there was already a job posting for that, which is called 'The President'.

The man chosen is none other than actor Sean Connery.

"So I was watching the Presidential Plasma TV," President Bush revealed, "in a big meeting room with the Joint Chiefs of Staff and Cheney, and they were talking and stuff. I was watching a crazy sci-fi movie on DVDV, thinking about what my War Czar is gonna have to do and Cheney comes over, sees Connery on the screen, and yells out, "What the--? 'Zardoz'!"

"And I tell ya, it was like a big electronic flash of electricity in my head when I put two and two together; Sean Connery is gonna be my new War Czar," Bush added. "It was like some kinda subliminimable light bulb getting turned on over my head."

For those of you wondering about the motion picture, 'Zardoz', it was a film from 1974 featuring a giant flying head, and Sean Connery wearing a loin cloth and sporting enough chest hair to make Austin Powers jealous.

Connery has offered no comment, but has promised that the long-awaited 'Zardoz 2' will not be produced, much to the disappointment of President Bush.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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