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Monday, 23 April 2007

image for PETA to President's Rescue, NYSE crashes
PETA Spokesperson Alec Baldwin addressing anti-Bush protesters at one of the memorials in the city

Washington DC, Apr 22. - The People for Ethical Treatment of Adolescents has come out strongly in favor of the beleaguered President of the United States. This is perhaps the first ever time the Leader of the Free World has garnered support from an NGO (Non-Gas Organization) organization.

Spokesperson for PETA, Alec Baldwin, at a press conference under the mammoth Washington Memorial, also promised that the wrath of the heavens, as well as that of the courts, would be brought down upon anybody who is caught lampooning the 'greatest American President ever, after Morgan Freeman.' Showing his middle finger, which had a tattoo of the White House, he proclaimed, 'Even if it is the truth, especially if it is the truth, it is libel.'

However, sources within the White House insist that Bush, who is in Camp Goliath playing golf with his father, is innocent of soliciting PETA's aid to bolster an increasingly accurate image. 'I don't even know where that blasted memorial is,' the President is reported to have commented to an aide.

The announcement had an immediate impact on the stock markets, with the New York Stock Exchange dropping five hundred and sixty seven points within the hour. According to analysts at SpoofBizNews, this is due to a realistic fear over the fate of media companies that make fun of the President. There are already rumors of trade unions going on strike after CNN, NBS, Star, ESPN, The Wall Street Journal, The New York Times, The Chicago Times (and a lot of other minor Times) closed their presses because they can no longer print any news about the current administration.

Even Hollywood took a hit, with most of its major anti-war actors defecting to France or the Caribbean, even as LAPD has put out an All-points Bulletin on noted Bush biographer, Michael Moore. - Dissociated Press.

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