Washington, DC. - In what is being seen as a reaction to recent shooting events across the nation, a consortium of Universities along the East and Western Coasts have joined their South-Central counterparts in joining the National Rifle Association as full-time corporate members. This was announced at a joint press conference at the NRA's offices within the White House.
According to NRA spokesperson Wesson McGlock, the Universities have decided to take advantage of a particular amendment that gives the American citizen the right to bear arms. 'This is to counter the presence of black marketed weapons sold to Chinese, Koreans and other ethnic groups that do not belong to this soil. The association will assist the Universities in arming each and every one of its students with shotguns, automatic repeating rifles, rocket launchers and, for those who can't afford the quality stuff, handguns.'
Andy John, professor emeritus of American Culture and History and spokesperson for the Armed Universities in Texas (AUnT), drew attention to the fact that most of those killed in the Virginia Tech shooting had never even held a gun in their hands. 'We wish to provide our own students with preventive measures. We are also launching a petition to remove the waiting period for buying a gun. Within campuses, only the student ID (identity) card need be produced as proof.'
Sources told this reporter that gun companies have welcomed this move. In fact, according to one source, AUnT has already approved ten thousand square feet of space on its campus for advertising the various guns legally available. For those who want to cash in on this sale, expect discounts of up to 50% on assault and sniper rifles. - Dissociated Press.