CCN (Crazy Cal News) - WASHINGTON, D.C. - Today, after conveying his belief that history will be kind to him, named all U.S. historians "enemy combatants" and had them arrested. President Bush, in a statement to the press, said, "We have to stop these terrerists frum attacking Americuh. You can't negotiate with these people. You can't have a treaty with these people. We're now fighting a 'War on Historians.' I've got to protect Americuh frum these dangerus peeple. I am now annun... anown... innounc... tellin' ya' about a new position I've created to deal with these kinds of terrerists. Today, I'm appointing a History Czar. My good buddy, Alberto will start the new position as soon as he steps down frum his current position. His first job will be to set the record straight. We WON the War on Iraq and brought the terrerists to justice."
Reporters declined to remark to the president, fearing that they, too, would be labeled enemy combatants.