CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Washington - President George W. Bush, showing signs of delusion and grandeur, announced that he would not buckle to polls showing opinion cutting against him on a variety of issues, and conveyed his belief that he would be vindicated by history.
Mr. Bush said, "I came with a set of principles and I didn't try to change my principles to make me popular," (which may be true, but don't you have to have principals not to change them?) He also added, "I've been in politics long enough to know that polls just go poof at times," showing that he has no clue why the polls might say anything critical about him and/or his policies.
"I think history will show that I was truly the Christian President and did what was best for the country," he said, as he struck a pose trying to resemble Christ on the cross.
Several White House officials demanded that President Bush undergo a psychiatric evaluation. President Bush said, "I have nothing to hide," and called in his appointee to the Counsel on Bioethics, Leon R. Kass, M.D. Chair.
Dr. Kass was an Addie Clark Harding Professor, College and the Committee on Social Thought at the University of Chicago before he was put on Bush's payroll. Professor Kass, a nationally renowned bioethicist, has written extensively on biology and human affairs, which is why President Bush decided he would have the qualifications to rule on his sanity.
After conducting the examination, looking quite pale, Dr. Kass said, "The President is in perfect mental health." Dr. Kass then ran out of the building screaming, "Please tell him not to torture my sick old mother. I did as he said."